What is a Congruence Test?
A congruence test is any kind of conscious or subconscious behavior a woman exhibits while interacting with a man in order to discover if his external representation is consistent with his inner frame. In simpler terms, it’s a test to determine whether or not a man is, at his core,
congruent with what he’s presenting to her.
Such tests can be non-verbal, such as a woman storming out after an argument while expecting her man to chase after her, thus testing his resolve. These tests can also be verbal and arise in the form of lighthearted teasing, sexual innuendo, backhanded compliments, or even outright insults aimed test to a man’s mettle and tolerance.
Men low in confidence or who lack strong personal boundaries, selfbelief, and principles struggle the most with congruence tests. This is simply due to the fact that they are, at their core, incongruent from who they pretend to be. While learning effective communication strategies
can help a man to overcome these tests, they are at best to be treated as training wheels. The most effective solution for a man is to become more congruent with his actions. This is the path of masculine maturity.
Another side of the congruence test coin is the compliance test. Women use these tests to figure out how compliant a man is with her needs and wants as opposed to his own. These can come in the form of small or large requests that are manipulative in nature in order to test a man’s
boundaries. In her mind she’s trying to assess, “How much is he willing to please me?” or “How much can I get away with before he tells me “NO”?” These tests can also come in the form of ultimatums as well.
Men who desire a woman’s approval above all else struggle the most with compliance type tests. Such men display neediness that women do not find attractive. Whether it’s a first encounter or a marriage of twenty plus years, a woman will use compliance tests to get her way or to coerce
a man into asserting his boundaries with her. The paradox is, by not complying with such requests or by demanding an equal exchange they end up displaying high self worth.
Some Wives Enjoy Poking the Bear If you’re a married guy, your wife may unknowingly test you if you’re mostly a passive, laid back, nice guy and she’s learned that she can instigate a more fulfilling sexual experience with you by irritating you. A married man may have unknowingly trained his wife to give him a hard time just so she can get what she wants from him – passionate, wild, uninhibited sex.
Have you ever heard people rave about the magic of make up sex? That’s because when our emotions are intensified it manifests itself through our sexual experiences. It’s like being charged up and overwhelmed with emotional intensity, a kind of intensity that will find its outlet in the
bedroom. The interesting thing is that it doesn’t matter whether these emotions are negative or positive. The intense emotions you feel after your wife tests you (in this case, anger, aggravation, etc.) will explode exactly where she wants it – between her legs.
You may have engineered this sort of reward-based negative behavior in your wife over the years of your marriage if she’s figured out that rubbing you the wrong way is going to get her sexually ravished and manhandled in the bedroom. And you may even be surprised to find out just how much your wife actually enjoys being sexually ravished by you when you turn into an insatiable, aggravated mad man. It’s like she’s trying to poke the docile, lazy bear at the zoo. She WANTS to see it get riled up.
So what if you recognize this kind of behavior in your wife and you’d rather not deal with her tests (but still want the phenomenal sex)? Simple. Learn to recognize when she’s being a “bad girl” and just give her what she wants. You can even pre-emptively turn things up a notch in the bedroom to avoid or at least lessen her attempts to aggravate you. Every man’s wife is going to act differently when she’s asking for a good bedroom bullying, so your job is to figure out the cues your wife may be giving you. The faster you figure out that she’s unconsciously playing her “piss-him-off-to-get-manhandled” game with you, the easier it will be to circumvent her tests completely and go straight to the phenomenal sex.
Learn how to tap into your most primal masculinity as well as your intense love for her and give her what she’s asking for. Supply her with the intense sexual experiences she may require every now and then if you realize that your wife has been poking your bear all these years. It may take awhile, but by fulfilling her needs preemptively you can help her realize that she doesn’t have to poke the bear to get a good show.